...Well I know, it really will be worth it in the end, it's why I do it.
I thought my blog title was going to be obsolete and I'd need to change it, because my son was potty trained. WAS potty trained. Now he's regressed. So Yay, I don't need to sit and think of a new name! Plus I have baby #2 on the way so we'll still be the traveling nomad family with a diaper butt for awhile.
I was really frustrated with my son, for teasing us with all his big boy peeing and pooping on the toilet so we didn't even need pull-ups, and then it seems since his Daddy left, he decided that he will only pee on the toilet. Poop has no place in the toilet, and it will never go there. He will hold it in for days if he must, potty monster does NOT deserve his food! Well, I get to thinking and talking to a few professionals in the matter, and I really do need to leave it alone and let him poop his pants for a little longer. Although I'm not thrilled with being THAT parent of the kid who always smells like poo, he JUST turned three and boys are notorious for being difficult potty trainers. Plus, at the same time I got a new job and sent him to the babysitter full-time, his Daddy deployed for the 4th time, and I guess it's too much for his little brain to process. When big changes occur in a toddler's life, sleep or potty training are the first to go out the window, and I guess I should be happy that sleep is still fine in this house! So I'm trying real hard to make it a non-issue right now, and we'll revisit in a couple months maybe.
I still get to hear the words "Mommy, I dotta, doe pee-pee!!"
And wow, I'm going to be a Mother of TWO! This is not a SHOCK because I didn't want it, it's just a shock because, WHOA! Another human being that God forms together in MY body for me to care for. That's HUGE with lots of ups and downs and everything in-between. I am not one of the women who is a big fan of being pregnant. I get a lot of "well you should really think of those who don't get to have babies and then you should be grateful" No, that makes me more sad, actually. I WANT every woman in the world to have a chance at being a mother--the most incredible experience ever! I am so adamant about it that I think if you're single and the clock is ticking, go pick out a specimen and get inseminated (half-kidding)!
Sorry, but things about pregnancy are awful! Especially when you're a control freak--you have to pray a lot. I cannot stand not knowing what I want to eat, and not being excited about most foods during the first trimester and just overall feeling like garbage. When I feel sick I get too scared that I'm not in good enough shape to be an outstanding mother and servant at work. The exhaustion that comes from your body working overtime building a human, my moods are like a never-ending PMS session, not being able to control those swings because they just sneak up, is really not cool!
I'm SO thankful for the people who have put up with my moods and my crappy attitudes, they just chalk it up to hormones and move on, for I am fully aware, that the end result of pregnancy is why I do it. Growing them myself though... man...
Let's not get into ALL THE INDIGESTION. I hope my child is okay with Tums and Gas-X being a normal part of his/her diet.
I'm still frightened by the fact that I will potentially explode and die from all the love I will feel. Like, despite his monstrous behavior, my son is the light of my life, and everything I never thought I'd deserve. He's the most beautiful thing I've ever created and the best thing to ever happen to me. HOW DO YOU FEEL THAT MORE THAN ONCE WITHOUT DYING???? And how do you spread it to each offspring equally? Does it just WORK? Anyhow, I can't wait!!
I should add, the other shocker I experienced was getting a really great job at the same time I found out I was pregnant. TOTALLY WANTED BOTH REALLY BAD, but was hoping for them to be spread apart a little... God's plan is better than mine though, so hey, I'm jumping in!
It's been difficult, I've had to try to master putting together me and Christopher's daily life after being unemployed for 5 months, I still don't have it figured out but we're here, and we're surviving, and the weather is getting warmer, and I'm in LOVE with that! He sometimes sleeps in my bed with me, which I don't mind 'cause i love to look at him. We often have PB&J for dinner, maybe even just Cheerio's or even better, muffins! But, we always add fruit. ;) My house goes on blast all week, until I can finally find time to clean it on weekends. I may throw in a little vacuuming or I'll load/unload the dishwasher during the week, but that's the extent.
I've had to teach myself to be okay with that.
I hate having to teach myself stuff, I just want to BE the way I need to be instead of having to work at it. I have enough "work" to do in and out of the home that I don't want to work on myself I guess?
Teaching myself that it doesn't work like that. UGH!
I'm slowly getting better at my job. There's so much to take in and process, so much systems and software and terms and methods, and THINGS I have been and still need to get used to.
I will continue to be a working Mom when #2 arrives. I found ANOTHER... FABULOUS daycare that I am confident Christopher and #2 will be fine at and even love, and I may even love them to the extent that I cry when we leave (like I did once before in another time and place). It's affordable and Praise God I found it! I LOVE to work outside of the home. I never once felt like anyone else was raising my child for me. If anything, they were a HUGE support system, and it saddens me that others have not had the same experience with daycare/babysitters. Here's where a pregnancy comment will commence, ready for it???
If I hear/read one more person say "Oh I could never send off my child to a daycare to have someone else raise him/her for me" I'm going to start punching kittens!!
I don't want to punch kittens. :(
It truly IS hard to leave your child with someone else at first, but it gets easier, I promise. And if you make sure of it, you don't end up missing their "firsts" either.
Then I miss my hubby something terrible. Deployments NEVER get easier, You only get stronger, but you don't know it until it's over, because I can assure you I feel like a hot mess right now, rather than strong. I feel extremely dumb at all times, from all of the things I have to do and remember. Can you believe I just had a FB conversation with a friend where we both agreed that we would take any of the previous deployments over this one? It's true! And none of the deployments are necessarily good, but the previous ones were easier than the current. I miss his company, I miss his help, I miss wanting to punch him in the face because he's so annoying. I'm quite exhausted from doing everything myself. Like, "yes Christopher, what else do you need before I can finally sit down and eat my OWN dinner?" and Dear Lacy Dog, since you only listen to your Daddy and he's not here, you have to be on a dog line when you are outside because you are naughty and don't listen to me and I literally have NO EXTRA TIME To chase you and find you! You also get to eat a special powder on your food because I cannot stomach your butt-breath from eating your poop anymore!
The Department of Defense should know that deployments not only cause people to have mental breakdowns and get mis-diagnosed with diabetes, but it also causes toddlers to stop pooping in the potty!
Yes it's what we signed up for, and my heart is proud... but whoa...
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