I was very disappointed today when I tried on some beautiful baby blue skinnies at H&M and found a small muffin top! they were a size EIGHT in US. They had to have been jeggings, because even though I'm not as small as I used to be (which I'm mainly happy about, except for the mid-section) I'm definitely not an eight. Nothing is bad about an eight, but I'm not one. I'm not a zero either--thank GOD! My best friend and step-mom tell me that I probably have some haters for thinking this way, I'm not sure what anyone should hate since I'm about as self-conscious as everyone else may be... and I can't help but be obsessive.
I just don't have a toned belly anymore! When you grow up not having to watch what you eat, ever, and you were once called and S.L.R. (Skinny Little Rat--don't worry, it's funny) you are married to a man who can eat taco bell and hamburger helper all day long every day and only gain weight in muscle, I die a little inside when I realize that I actually have to work out and watch what I eat now. It's super frustrating as well because I can't completely avoid fat and sweets because then I'll get skinnier everywhere else, and I only want it to go away from the mid-section. I'll admit, it's not even that bad... but when the former SLR gets a muffin top when trying on jeans, there's a problem!
Currently I only have time during the day to do calf raises, a couple of arm exercises which consists of lifting my son up and down to help him jump to the tune "3 Little Monkeys" or whichever number you decide to start with. I start with 3 because my arms get tired easy. I haven't been able to keep up with yoga because my Army Man's job has him either at work late, or in the field. At home, it's dinner, cleaning, baby boy, baths for all and bed. I'm thinking it may be easier for me when we move home in a couple months--then I'll have babysitters and can actually go to a gym! We'll see...
So the muffin top issue allowed me to save money so that worked well. I only picked up a few layering pieces because you can never have too many. See, me and my hubby went to a casino with some friends on Saturday night, and I won 100 euros. I kept my playing small because I am a beginner, and I wanted to make sure I had some shopping money, and I did. I even have some leftover! But man, this casino includes a free buffet and guess who ate like a whale that night? This girl!
As I was driving back to finish more errands and eventually go back to work, I saw a truck that had in big letters, the word SCHART on the front. That was funny--because I'm five. Then I remembered that most of my efforts to a flat belly consist of inducing bowel movements. Yeah, poop talk is awesome and NOT "Too Much Information" for me. So I try to take stuff for it, I drink really strong coffee, which only works some of the time. I drink way more water than I have in the past so I will admit, I don't feel as bloated as I usually do. When it gets really bad I resort to drinking a "Smooth Move" it's a laxative tea, for those who are unfamiliar. There are days when my tummy looks pretty good--but they are few and far between. I don't get how it fluctuates so much. I have been eating healthy most days, nothing but Quinoa, avocado, beans, peas, peppers, cuccumbers, chicken, fish, and all things healthy and yummy. Eggs for breakfast with fresh fruit, almonds on my snacks... but then the casino happened. Then my son didn't want his donut for breakfast, my coworker makes these amazing cookies and brings in more every single day!
AND THEN... the lady at the gas station gives me FREE Reeses Peanut Butter cups. The whole PX and the Shoppette are trying to get rid of these reeses and I don't understand what they are trying to do to me!
I even had a conversation with a coworker today about the Dependapotomi around these places and how they need to represent their men a little better. We got on the discussion of processed food and how i'll only give certain things to Christopher. But then I go ahead and make a frozen, chinese dinner with egg rolls tonight!! My excuse is that "it won't get THAT big, you'll be skinny forever" and while that may be so... muffin tops in a size 8 for the SKINNY LITTLE RAT... you know the rest.
I do own a pair of spanx. Just one.
The weight gain has me all sorts of jazzed about how stickly my legs DO NOT look, as they did when I was 18 and below. I can't figure out if I just have underworked abs because of my HUGE baby, and I wasn't allowed to workout during my pregnancy for fear of Christopher just splattering out from underneath me--even though I had some shoelace thick, strings sewn up in my cervix to prevent that. I still had to take it easy. That sucked.... or my metabolism is dwindling due to entering my 30's or I need to really give it up with the sweets (which makes me incredibly angry during PMS season) so maybe it's all of the above.
I pray before I eat because that's what I do. I love Jesus and I'm thankful for my food, honestly. Sometimes I ask that the food I'm eating will not make my gut expand. Do you think Jesus is laughing at me or thinking I'm ridiculous? or maybe it will actually work after awhile???
SO yeah, I do not think I am overweight, I'm just not SYMMETRICAL! Please understand! :P
Speaking of babies, my two year old son has me in stitches most of the time because he's so bipolar. He's in such moods when he wakes up and after I put him in the car after picking him up from daycare. He's on this kick of saying "STOP MOMMY!" or "NNNOOOO!" and its like "oh no you really didn't just say that!" He did indeed. What's a mother to do? this is more new mommy stuff here that I'm clueless on. His hitting is getting a little better and then other than that, he's so funny and so sweet, and he LOVES helping around the house. He must be annoyed with me very often because all I want to do is kiss his face, and he's not always down with that as much as he used to be. He's only Two. How is he too cool for me sometimes, ALREADY?!
I really want a #2, and I want it to be a boy. I realize that if it's not a boy I'll love her anyway and we'll grow up to be besties, but I just really dig having boys. This little man of mine is SO FUN and I STILL cannot believe I have a child in my home that came from MY uterus. Ha! He's amazing!
Well, I'm off to have some papaya and water for my dessert.
P.S. Did I mention one of Christopher's daycare, carworkers asked me if I was pregnant!? So you know I'm NOT hallucinating!
Tschuss!
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